But annoyingly, the idea of religious life wouldn’t go away.
Eventually I got a bit fed up and went online and did some research about nuns. Mostly I looked at pictures of vocation directors. When I found one who looked happy and friendly and safe, I contacted her. But I was terrified. I remember thinking to myself What have I done? Eventually, I mustered up enough courage to meet with her and, in time, other members of the community. To my amazement, I really liked them. They seemed so normal.
However, any time they broached the idea of further discernment, I froze. I wasn’t convinced that God had called me. I was waiting for some kind of neon sign from heaven that would tell me what to do.
Surely, God couldn’t be calling me to religious life. God doesn’t call the wimpy! He doesn’t call people who are too scared to tell their family that they sometimes go to Mass on a weekday for fear of seeming too religious. He calls the bold and the mighty. I was anything but. I was full of questions and fear, and totally confused.